Humor

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22 GEORGE CARLIN said it best about Martha Stewart "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail. Okay, this is no joke. I really want you to come over and clean my kitchen Here's a salute to the man BILL MURRAY How do you beat Groundhog Day and What About Bob? But seriously, the man can act! You need to see him in LOST IN TRANSLATION It's sophisticated. I apologize right now, but Spider Pig was funny! My grandson and I watched this video on Youtube over and over. We never stopped roaring. "If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?" If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? George Carlin This is one my grandson really loves. He says, "Grandma, let's watch this forever!" Now how did they do that? "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong." George Carlin "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day." George Carlin Front Back My niece and I get endless delight making fun of the hunting channel, especially when they continue whispering after the animal's dead, ha! He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me Be sure and put ALL of that stink down [Why did you kill him?] Because he's such a BEUUUUUTY! Two hunters were out in the woods, and they were lost. One said, "I think were lost." The other one said "Shoot three times into the air and help will come." So they shot and shot until one said, "This doesn't seem to be working and we're almost out of arrows. I don't know about you, but I can't make it without my morning Okay, so I'm an old lady. I can get away with this. "When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?" George Carlin Self Explanatory Signs things are bad: You inherit General Motors and they outlaw cars Someone calls you a travel agent because you give them guilt trips For Sale: One computer slightly used. One bullet hole in screen Definitions: *ANTIQUE: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again *FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him/her *FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose *DERANGE: Where de buffalo roam "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it." "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?" "Women like silent men, they think they're listening." GC The Funny Papers were no longer funny after Gary Larson left. "If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?" George Carlin People who made us laugh -- God Bless! JTO & Bobby Duck "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" George Carlin My favorite of all -- The Continental skit from Saturday Night Live - starring Christopher Walken But first, a glass of fine champagna. Thanks for lookin' in (blonde jokes are NOT FUNNY!)